Please

Every beginning of the year is the hardest time of my life, except for last August. I feel so stress to change my lifestyle again. From hardworking to holiday is an easy process and I'm completely stress free. Returning back to stressful life is just making me feel like dying. First day of the school, teachers started to stuff all kind of info into our brain. I remember I cried every year except when I was in form 4. Back then I was happy to get back to school because I've got good results and I felt it's going to be fun as we would be choosing the streams that we liked. But when I had to make decisions I cried again, a lot. I really feel like giving up now. Why is it so hard? Why is life tat hard? Why is he not with me? I'd rather he's with me so tat when I step into the house, I see him, I will cry in my room. Not like now, I hold it so hard, not letting the stress out. I'm not sure. I don't know. Please, someone saves me? I feel like dying. Please.