Regret.

Nowadays i have a bad mind. Bad thoughts kept coming out from my mind. It's okay. I mean, even though it kept coming out, but i will try my best to control it. And of course! I wont do something stupid like my mind did. 

So ... after seeing one of the trainer put a photo of him and the trainees. I started to think, why is it not us? It should be us right? since we are the recent group. Then i thought about the day, when one of the trainer was scolding us and said to us : "I am so disappointed of you all. I believe not only me, most of the trainer did, it just that they never say it out. You all are the worst group ever. I have to admit that this is the worst group we have ever train. " I'm so sorry to myself. Not the trainers, yet. I usually don't keep bad memories in my brain. Maybe i did, but i will never remember it. Unless something happen then it reminded me. 

Okay. I know i'm a bad girl trying to 'debate' at here, but, it's okay right? At least i never do that when i was there. Firstly, actually i'm quite disappointed too. Because i never expect that it's something out from a trainer's mouth. If someone else like, seniors before this tell us about this, i think i will be more sorry than now. You actually made most of us cried, including me on that night. And now i'm started to think of Cikgu Ibrahim. When he taught us TTS, he doesn't really seem to be satisfied with our performance, but he said it was good. Is it because he started to put low expectations on us? Or is it that he never have any expectations on us that's why he's like not giving any attention to us? 

I started to ask myself, after i wrote in the page saying that the trainers there are good, are they really good? I'm not sure. I don't know about other camp, but i dont think they have something like this, so memorable,that after one week, i almost forget how i've been through these 73 days, but i still remember this incident. And i started to think, actually they dont really care whether you're the best, your feelings, or who you are right? Their job is to train , to teach only, what they want is they want to feel good. By scolding the trainees badly so that they can listen well, and make you pleased, is that wat u want? Yes, you make it. You get what you want, BUT. You will never understand how we feel. You will never know how hurt it is. 

Hah! So i've been talking about ns life again. I saw hong's blog, he said for him, ns didn't really let him learn many things except for a few. For me, i learned to be strong, mentally and physically. I need to be strong. I learned to cope with these kind of situation. I learned to stay alive, even though getting bad treatments from others. No, not only me. Everyone in the camp, learned to be smart, to be strong. Although we learnt things from the bad, but at least, we learnt something. 

Anyway forgot to thank the true trainers.

KJ, the best trainer ever! Although scolded us badly when we're not smart enough, but he's like a grandpa to us. He's really good, never take grudge, love us so much that make us love him so much too!

Cikgu Ela, the best PK teacher ever! She's like an elder sister more to mother, because whenever i said "cikgu! i miss you!!!", she will like :" i misshh you too~ " .. SO CUTE! XD! unlike other PK teacher, scolding non-stop for nothing, she really gave us a lot of confidence, never scolded us for no reason, gave us support when we were doing the juggle. SHE IS SO COOL!

Cikgu Ibrahim, our PKJ. You need to speak loudly to him coz he cant hear very well. Gave him mandarins after CNY. Hahaha! Cute and Funny, like a father! 

Cikgu Zul Jani~, our abang photographer! *peace~*... I dunno why after swimming lesson, he kept doing peace whenever he saw me. Probably because i finally peace at him when he was zooming the camera to me. You know, i will never smile to the paparazzi kind of camera. hahaha! 

Cikgu Ghazali , our charlie and marching trainer! This is the true father because his daughter kept calling him when he was teaching us. So friendly and patient! TQ CIKGU!! So sorry we got naib johan only. But at least we got a prize right? haha! 

Cikgu Raja S, always buy burger for us~ yummy ~ 

Cikgu Yani, our dorm teacher. So friendly actually. At first i dont really like her because she looks so scary. But she is so good to us! Haha... Tq for not choosing me to become the ketua dorm.. lol! i mean it, ketua dorm need to count the kekuatan every time we kumpul, so annoying. haha! 

Cikgu Ery, cikgu comel ~~~ 

Cikgu Sarimah, my mentor! Although i never talk to you much about my feelings, but thank you for telling us your stories~ 

That's all i think. Others, so sorry if i never mention your name, but i will fill in if i remember.